Last week I was getting my nails done and my good friend brought up the 90 day rule in dating. I never heard of it before and immediately my gut clenched with a cry, “Oh no, another patriarchal double standard placed on women.”
What my nail technician was referring to was the book written by Steve Harvey, “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man”, which declares Steve’s 90 day rule encouraging women to wait 90 days before having sex with a man. The 90 days is compared to the 90 days one must wait to receive benefits at a new job. He argues that just as a new employer requires vetting time before investing in health insurance and fringe benefits for an employee a woman should require some vetting before giving away sexual benefits.
My inner voice screamed, ‘I’m not a fucking commodity or benefits package!’
My hope in this life is that currently there is a paradigm shift happening in human consciousness and that all double standards and patriarchal thinking will be flushed out of the human mind and heart! This process may be emotionally painful for some who need to discard a way of thinking that is not only unjust to women but to all humans. Groups that put people into categories and declare among themselves what is appropriate and acceptable behavior for the good of the social structure they build.
My thoughts, once my gut calmed down, was to choose not to judge Steve Harvey and the men who think along his lines but to continue to live what I believe in my own heart. That is to know yourself first, follow your own intuition, get in tune with your own divinity, truth and be faithful to your heart!
I love living ‘outside’ the social box! Most of my life I never fit into any social group finding most to be hypocritical, judgemental and not living what they were professing and toting as Freedom. I was a ‘Cougar’ long before it was fashionable, marrying a man 10 years my junior when I was 30 and he was a young pup of 20. And now the love of my life, whom I adore and cherish more than my own breath, is a strapping Moroccan sexy, sadistic, gentle, romantic, deviant beast 34 years my junior. Yes, my life is full of charm and blessing.
We are SEXUAL BEINGS and SEX is a normal function of who we are biologically. Where it gets ‘fucked up’ is when emotions, pain, unforgiveness, and insecurities color what should be a beautiful exchange of individual power and energy surging, moving and enveloping the people involved.
And that may be the root of the problem. Individual power. If a person isn’t confident in who they are as an individual, their sexual power can turn into a weapon used for them or against them.
In my dating life, I’ve made mistakes as we all have but it never was based on how long I waited to engage in sex.
I’m going to watch from the sidelines with my sexy, deviant, young beast by my side and hope and pray for the freedom of all individuals to come to their own decision when to share their sexual energy.
Know your heart and mind.
Own your own power!
Make your own choice.
~ Vista
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