“Treat your men as you would your own beloved sons. And they will follow you into the deepest valley.” ― Sun Tzu, The Art of War
I realize that Sun Tzu was referring to how to treat the men that went with him into war, but when I first came across this quote it meant and resonated something far deeper to me.
Since my 40’s I’ve been attracting younger men to my life. Not something I sought out consciously but I think probably unconsciously because nothing comes to you by accident. The father of my children is 10 years younger than me. We met when I was 30 coming out of an emotionally abusive relationship and he was a 20-year-old Adonis who followed my every move until I fell into his bed and in love. We were married and together for 6 years, long enough to have three beautiful children and now five grandchildren and counting. That may have been the start of unconsciously attracting younger men. I have dated men closer to my age and even older, but there is something about the adoration of a younger man that can still catch my attention.
I have 3 grandsons: 9, 4 and 2. I also have a son who is 33. Yes, many times the same age as some of the men who have been in my life. I got over that ‘mind fuck’ back when he was in his 20’s. And no… I have no fantasies of being intimate with my son. I do love him beyond measure and our relationship is healthy and beautiful. My own son and grandsons are beloved sons to me. It’s a natural and strong nurturing in my heart and soul.
Back to this quote. “Treat your men as you would your own beloved sons. And they will follow you into the deepest valley.” When I look at the men who have come into my life there is a common thread that runs through the attraction. Their need to be treated as Beloved Sons. Don’t confuse this with the Mommy/son dynamic. For me that is too simplistic and not a dynamic I’m interested in. Truly … no. But the truth I’ve found in my own personal experience are many men, no matter what their age, who have not felt as Beloved Sons.
“Treat your men…” the quote begins. Not boys but men. Engage with them as men who are honored, respected, valued for their talents and abilities, nurtured in their fears, doubts and encouraged on their journey as they grow. Treat them as your own beloved sons. Our society has suffered because men, for the most part, are not raised in such a way and rarely receive ‘the blessing’ from their father. An ancient tradition that was part of the rite of passage into manhood. Sun Tzu understood that when he gave that blessing of being a Beloved Son to his men, that to follow that leader into the deepest valley is built into the DNA of men!
In any relationship I’ve had with a man, no matter the age, but especially when they are younger is to plant within them the seeds of their own truth of their own soul. It’s not about their role but about their freedom. In my experience when men are treated as a beloved son, meaning your actions toward them have come from an unselfish part of you, they feel safe, and maybe for the first time able to explore ALL of who they are to become whole. And for me, I want a man who is whole in my life.
Maybe you’re in their life to only plant a seed. If so, they’ll not forget it was you who started their awakening. And if you’re fortunate to have that man in a relationship and you treat him as a Beloved Son, that man will follow you into the deepest valley of his hidden truth.
Believe me, every man, no matter what their role is in your life, is looking to be known, accepted, loved and adored.
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