Finding the One who Blends.

This post is a follow up from two previous post: ‘The Virgin. Unlocking Feminine Power.’ & ‘No, I won’t have Your Baby. Dating at Mid-Life.’

In ‘The Virgin. Unlocking Feminine Power’ I mentioned a quote by Monica Sjoo where he explains: “Ancient moon priestesses were called virgins. ‘Virgin’ meant not married, not belonging to a man – a woman who was ‘one-in-herself’. The very word deriving from a Latin root meaning strength, force, skill; and was later applied to men: virle. That Ishtar, Diana, Astarte, Isis were all called virgin, which did not refer to sexual chastity, but sexual independence.

In ‘No, I won’t have Your Baby. Dating at Mid-Life.‘ I talked about how at mid-life dating is very different. No longer are you looking to build a life with someone. You have built a life and through unexpected changes and life lessons are comfortable with who you are and have become. Now dating is about finding someone whose life BLENDS well with yours. And together that blending widens the border of both of your lives.

BUT: How do we go about attracting that someone who will blend well into our lives? I do not have the magic blueprint or sure fire method to guarantee you’ll find that someone but I have been working on myself for some time and feel I have picked up a few nuggets of truth and possibly magic along the way that I’ve been applying to my life that I’d like to share.

1. Be brutally honest with yourself. Understand your strengths and weaknesses. Understand where you are quirky. We all have those little habits we’ve picked up along the way. Some are adorable and some really need to go. Are you open to change the things that have tore apart relationships in the past?
2. Take a good hard look at what you are saying you want in a partner. Don’t be all ‘fairy tale’ about it. Quiet your soul and spirit and calm your mind. Let your soul bring up the things that really minister to your heart. Then write down the qualities and characteristics you are looking for. What would make your heart truly sing and keep singing?
3. Are you the woman that potential partner is looking for? Would he recognize you now as that woman? If not then write down the areas you still need to work on. Sometimes we can get so focused on who we want to attract in our lives that we forget to look at ourselves. Then we wonder why that partner we want doesn’t see us.
4. Live in the now! This is big! Once you have written down the qualities and characteristics of who you are looking for.. relax! Concentrate on you and your life. Continue to grow and be ‘one-in-yourself’. I’m a great believer in the Law of Attraction. We do attract into our lives those people we believe in our subconscious we deserve. By living in the now…being present in your life each day…your life becomes full of unexpected moments. You are open to the magic each day holds for you.
5. Date!  What I mean is be open to meeting people! A date doesn’t have to mean anything more than meeting a new friend. Meet people with ‘No Expectations’. You are on a journey of discovering yourself and how to relate to others. You’re on a treasure hunt and finding what works in your life and what doesn’t. When you date with no expectations of anything coming of it…meaning you’re not jumping ahead 5 months down the road and wondering how his life will effect yours….you are free in your head and emotions to let life unfold on it’s own to reveal if there is a blending here for you both.
6. Be aware of negative self talk! Stop saying there are ‘No more good people left in the world. All the good ones are taken.’ Stop..please stop! Do you have an underlying belief that you are not wanted?. Expect to find love and be loved! Lots of people find good partners everyday. Believe that you are worthy of a good relationship.
7. Watch out for concentrating on ‘The One’. There are many choices available of potential partners. Don’t focus on just one person. Let the energy and natural flow of your life bring your potential partners to you. Which brings me back to Live in the Now and No Expectations. Take the pressure off of yourself and enjoy your life daily. You’ll find more people attracted to you.
8. Ask yourself if you’re ready to have someone in your life. Is your life welcoming? Is there room? Be a creator of the kind of love and relationship you desire in your life. Remove the barriers you’ve come across and move forward with intent believing that you were born to give and receive great love.
9. Watch out for bad familiar patterns from your past dating/relationship life. Do you have a tendency to be attracted to people who seem familiar but not necessarily trustworthy? Learn to value secure people in your life. Trust your instincts.
10. Men are looking for a woman who can bring more peace and joy into his life. Really work on yourself and then find a man who has done the same. Remember like attracts like! If you are still attracting the wrong men for you then go back to point 1.!

These 10 points work no matter what blend of gender the relationships takes. The heart has no gender.

As a professional woman I know how to function in my masculine power in the market place. But that same logic and analytical thinking does not work when seeking a relationship that will blend well with my life. I’m learning how to trust my instincts and intuition. How to let the feminine power within me lead when it comes to issues of the heart. Believe me I have found it to be a more natural and exciting way to journey.

There is no logic when it comes to the heart. But that’s where the beauty and magic is found.